


Before Me A Shadow

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-26
Updated: 2008-12-26
Packaged: 2017-10-21 04:06:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/220719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney seeks out Carson in the aftermath of the Hoffan decision to use the anti-feeding drug.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before Me A Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> Written for **McBeckChallenge** Missing Scenes Table: Prompt #2 - _Poisoning the Well_

"Carson?"

The room was dark, giving the illusion of being empty but Rodney knew better as his eyes caught the deeper shadow on the bed. He called the lights up a fraction, almost expecting Carson to override him with his own more powerful version of the ATA gene but the lights stayed at a dull glow, barely enough to illuminate the room and yet enough for Rodney to make out the man seated on the bed with his back against the wall and legs stretched out in front of him.

"What do you want, Rodney?"

Carson's voice held no reprimand for entering his room uninvited; it was devoid of anything except weariness that went deeper than mere physical fatigue. Rodney felt momentary doubt for his intrusion, clearing his throat quickly.

"I... You weren't at dinner so I--"

"I'm not hungry."

Rodney hummed in partial understanding and came further into the room, nervously rubbing his hands together. Despite evidence to the contrary, he wasn't normally the type to enter someone's private space without an invitation; least, not someone he cared about, but he knew Carson was hurting. He knew Carson was battling with the inner demons that probably insisted he was entirely to blame for all that had happened on Hoff even though he had purely been the means to perfect Perna's work. So many deaths had come from the Wraith drug alone and, once the truth was out there, the Wraith would ensure the rest of the Hoffan people were hunted down and removed permanently from their food chain for fear of not knowing if the next meal might be their last. The Wraith couldn't afford for the Hoffan people to spread across the human worlds in Pegasus, taking the Wraith anti-feeding drug that Carson had helped to create to other humans but, other than destroying the Hoffan Stargate, there was nothing anyone here on Atlantis could do to stop them either. It had been tempting though, and Rodney wondered how long it would be before the decision to leave the Stargate standing bit them, collectively, in the ass.

When the Wraith came for them, it would be the massacre of every man, woman and child; total genocide of the Hoffan people, and yet Chancellor Druhin had been willing to take that chance just to strike back at the Wraith, offering the people a choice that they had accepted overwhelmingly. Strangely, Rodney could almost comprehend the mindset of a people who would rather sacrifice every individual just to destroy the enemy that had feasted on them for ten thousand years.

"It wasn't your fault, Carson. They were determined..."

"Then who's was it, Rodney?" There was still no heat in his voice, as if he had already passed judgment and found himself guilty of condemning a whole race to death.

Rodney moved closer to the bed and sank down onto the end, facing Carson. In the dim light he could make out the lines of sorrow on a far too expressive face and wished he knew the right words to take away all the pain. All too often, though, his words enraged rather than soothed, making him scared to try now, and yet he had to do something.

He crawled up the bed and sank down until he was seated beside Carson; shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, his legs stretched out beside Carson's, and the heaviness of the room descend upon him. He was determined to be there for Carson even if that meant he had to remain uncharacteristically silent, hoping Carson would open up before Rodney gave in to his own demons and said something stupid. He wasn't sure exactly when he fell asleep and for how long because it was still fairly dark when soft fingers stroking through his hair slowly brought him back. The soothing strokes faltered and Rodney felt saddened by the loss of the comforting touch. He felt as well as heard someone clearing their throat and realized where he was and with whom. Blinking rapidly, Rodney straightened up, a little embarrassed at having fallen sideways with his head pillowed on Carson's shoulder.

He let out a small yelp as his neck muscles protested the awkward angle.

"Aye, I'm sorry. I should not have let you fall asleep like that but..." Carson's voice trailed off.

Rodney tried to stretch out his sore neck. "But?"

It took a second longer to register that the room was slightly brighter, or maybe his eyes had adjusted more to the gloom, but when he turned his head he could make out the pink spots of embarrassment high on Carson's cheeks, and the misery that accompanied them. He asked again, more softly, recalling the gentle fingers that had awoken him from his sleep and reaching up to brush his own against Carson's slightly whiskered cheek.

"But?"

Carson leaned into his touch, eyes closing, and Rodney finally understood. He leaned in and pressed his lips carefully to Carson's in barely more than a brush, and yet the tingle of pleasure raced through him, pooling warm and heavy in his groin.

"Rodney," Carson whispered, his hand reaching up to cup the back of Rodney's head and stop him from pulling away. Their lips met again in that barest touch, with warm breath fanning over him before the pressure increased. He parted his lips and let Carson take what he needed, offering no resistance to tongue and teeth, to the mashing of their lips as the kiss hardened in desperation. Hard sobs accompanied the kiss, and he swallowed them, accepting Carson's pain and need as Carson's expert fingers quickly pulled at his clothing, drawing aside cumbersome material and wrapping strong, hot fingers around Rodney's hard cock. His own hand found Carson's hard flesh, his strokes strong and sure, mirroring Carson's, and they kissed almost frantically as they brought each other to the edge and then over.

Floating down from the incredible high of orgasm, Rodney felt Carson gulping in hitching breaths beside him, before he registered the wetness on his cheek as he rubbed it against Carson's.

"Are you? Are you crying?"

"I didn't love her," Carson sobbed, "But I cared. I cared so bloody much."

Rodney couldn't think of the right words to console Carson and simply held on; his dry hand petting Carson's hair awkwardly long after the fractured sobs turned into deeper breaths of sleep. Later, he would probably feel disgusted that they were both sticky with dried semen, sweat and tears, and hate that his back was slightly twisted from holding Carson close but he'd deal with that then. For now, all that mattered was the exhausted man in his arms, and with that thought in mind, he tightened his grip and let himself be lulled back to sleep, already aware that they would never leave the shadow of Hoff behind them.

END


End file.
